As Promised

I'm going to be somewhat cautious in this post, since I'd prefer to not be sued by an adoption agency or four for damaging their reputations. However, I've been promising this post for a bit now so here goes.

Right before we left for Vietnam, the NOIDs started coming fast and furious. I'm more than a little information-obsessed and it wasn't difficult to find out the names of the agencies and provinces involved. I'll admit that I went to Vietnam with a suspicious attitude and my eyes wide open.

The interview at the Consulate opened my eyes even further. I guess I'm naive, but even with all the information sources I cultivate, I had no idea how bad things were. Mary Ann Russell was extremely forthcoming, not only with me but with the other families as well. She made it clear that the lack of health records for the infants is her pet peeve. Since Vietnam has reopened, she's seen supposedly healthy babies with heart defects, deafness, so critically ill that the Consulate interview had to be delayed for two weeks, and malignant cancer that had been represented to the parents as benign. She seemed angry on behalf of the parents, who were expecting to meet their healthy child and instead found themselves confronted with serious medical issues. We talked about agencies who stayed in Vietnam during the previous shutdown to do humanitarian work - 'good' agencies, as she said - agencies who cared about the children. We talked about the ridiculously short timelines offered by some agencies. There were questions about our timeline as well - when were we DTV, when were we logged in, when did we receive our referral, when did we receive our approval to travel from the DIA.

Mary Ann Russell is a brusque lady with a booming voice. She can be intimidating, especially considering the position she holds. But I truly believe she cares about the children of Vietnam. We talked briefly about the current NOID situation and she explained that NOIDs were not issued lightly. That, in fact, the paperwork had to go to her boss in Bangkok for review before a NOID could be issued. She answered every question I had and, if there weren't three other families in the waiting room and a squirming baby in my arms, I would have loved to have spent the afternoon with her.

We didn't see many other adoptive families in Ho Chi Minh. Hanoi was a different story. Families with babies - some with two babies - were everywhere. One of the first people we ran into was a woman whose G&R had been September 6th. She had been issued a NOID and had stayed with her daughter to fight the ruling. She was the sweetest woman and was very helpful in directing us to grocery stores, etc but I'll admit to staying as far away as possible, as if her situation was contagious. We ran into a man with his son, who was currently in investigation. His wife and newly adopted daughter had gone home, but he was waiting for his son's Visa approval. The children were not related and were a couple of months apart in age. We found out on the day we left Vietnam that his son had been issued a NOID. I flew home with this man, all the way to Chicago. His agency is not one of the ones commonly known to be receiving NOIDs, but is one that I personally wouldn't touch with a 10 ft. pole. We talked quite a bit in the airports and I felt so sorry for him and his wife. Their situation was heartbreaking - how hard to be alone on that airplane when you had planned on holding your baby. At the same time, I was thinking, "How did you not know this could happen?" They'd already lost a couple of referrals because their agency didn't think the paperwork would stand up to review. Also on those planes were two families whose paperwork had been in review for five weeks. They had received their childrens' Visas on the day we went to apply for ours and we met at the Embassy. After a couple of questions, consisting of "How long have you been here" and "Is this your first interview or second", we didn't speak again. Our two weeks obviously placed us in a different spot than their five weeks and it seemed as if they resented us for it. After five weeks, I'm sure their nerves were fried and I understood their resentment, but it underlined an attitude of PAP vs PAP that I felt in Hanoi.

Hanoi was tense. I probably felt it more than most because I was looking for it. I was looking for wrongdoing. I was looking for examples of the unethical practices I've heard about. I really didn't have to look that hard. I would hear a story and mentally try to guess which agency a family was working with. But what was driven home for me while in Vietnam is that behind every story is a heartbroken family. Yes, you can argue that they should have done their research. They should have been more educated in their agency choice. They should have asked some hard questions. But these people did not set out to endorse baby selling or any other unethical practice. They wanted to add to their families. And in their eagerness to do so, they trusted someone they shouldn't have.

Mary Ann Russell told me that the new I-600 procedures will give PAPs enough information to decide 'whether to come ahead or go a different direction' (not a direct quote, but as close as I can come). PAPs deserve to have as much information about their children and the circumstances of their availability for adoption as possible BEFORE they make an expensive trip overseas. BEFORE they spend weeks bonding with a sweet little person who will make your heart melt. BEFORE they have to take a long plane ride home without the baby they've been dreaming of.